As a parent, it's challenging to raise a child in a world where turning on the news or going online could bring about yet another heartbreaking news piece on a school shooting.
Even though it’s happening in other countries, it is leaving moms feeling fearful of sending their children to school, as it's supposed to be a place of learning, not violence, especially now that face-to-face classes are being already being offered for the coming academic year.
With our kids having more access to information through the TV and internet, it's essential to know how to explain such violence to our children when they ask or when they inadvertently see it in adult programming or even in the news. Talking to kids about real-life events can be scary, but keeping them in the loop is also necessary.
According to Jodi Quas, a Professor of Psychological Science, the "lack of knowledge and misunderstanding can fuel fear," which we don't want to happen to our children. No matter how scary violence may seem, our kids need to be aware of what's happening around them so they can properly process their emotions and protect themselves.
Start the conversation and listen to their insights
When sensitive topics on violence and school shootings come up, it's tempting for us parents to change the subject or avoid the conversation entirely. However, trying to protect our children by ignoring the problem only worsens the situation.
It's impossible to shelter children from information on violence, as they have easy access to the internet and television. If we do not have difficult conversations with our children, they are left to fill in the blanks and understand the situation on their own. This can be dangerous, as they can become misinformed.
So, when starting the conversation, address the event without instilling fear in your child. Listen to what they've heard so far, and clear up any misinformation they might have found out. Let them lead the conversation and navigate through it in a way that makes it easier for them to cope.
Navigate through the conversation based on their age
Explaining a violent event to a teenager is not the same as explaining it to a preschooler. It is important to address your children's questions by their age so that they can fully understand and absorb the situation in the way they can.
For younger children below the age of six, experts suggest sticking to a one-sentence story that encapsulates everything you want to tell them. If they ask follow-up questions, it'd be best to focus on moments of bravery and courage that occurred. In the context of the tragic school shooting at an elementary school in Uvalde, Texas, USA, like how teachers and students protected each other and kept each other strong. Doing so sheds light on a dark situation, reminding your young child that there are still good people surrounding them, even in a world of danger.
For elementary school children, it is essential to avoid depicting negative images from the events, as graphic images tend to stick more with elementary-aged children. It is also important to limit their media exposure to avoid over-exposing them to violence at a young age. While they should be aware of the situation, leave out specific violent aspects that can damage them. Instead, assure them that they are safe and protected, as, at this age, children value a sense of security.
Remain calm throughout the conversation
News of a school shooting can undoubtedly bring about fear and anxiety. While it's easy to get overwhelmed, especially if you have children in a school setting, it is crucial to remain calm while processing the information you've received.
Children are good at detecting the fear of their parents, which can, in turn, lead them to feel scared and anxious about the situation themselves. Worrying is fine, but it can become detrimental to both you and your children's mental health when you let it rule you. If you need someone to talk to about your feelings, share them with a fellow adult. Even in difficult times, you need to be a source of comfort and security for your children.
Assure your children that you care
Sometimes, all a child needs is assurance. However, while it's tempting to make promises like "this will never happen to you" or "it won't happen here," these are promises that you cannot keep and are out of your control.
Instead, the best way to reassure your children is to love them and protect them in ways you can. Take the time to dialogue with them on sensitive topics, and teach them to be vigilant, especially during times when you and your spouse are not around.
Above everything, letting your children know how much you love them is key in raising them to be brave, courageous, and headstrong individuals.
