Even parents occasionally make promises they are unable to follow. What can you do as a parent to maintain your child's trust after you or another parent has broken your word or disappointed them? Keep reading to help your kids understand how they feel and forgive others when they've let them down.
But what about those times when it's simply impossible to keep a promise? The absolute moral imperatives do not give us any wiggle room or instructions for dealing with situations in which a promise is broken.
Is it really possible to break a promise to your child in the right way? When we promise something, we are committing to a significant deed. We run the risk of a sudden breakdown in trust if we break that promise. This breakdown in trust may result in failed relationships with the child. Continue reading for some very wise advice on how to maintain your relationships with your own child as well as your integrity.
It should go without saying that these are the rare exceptions to the promise rules because promises will be broken. But to assert that every promise can be kept would be naive. Therefore, we should be ready to honorably break our promises when those circumstances arise. To break the promise to a child while maintaining the relationship and our own integrity would be the goal. Is it possible? How?
Every once in a while, parents have to break their word. After getting some angry responses and questions from parents who didn't mean to keep their word, I thought it was important to make it clear that I don't agree with breaking promises for no reason or giving permission to other parents who never meant to keep their word. The purpose of this blog post is to describe how to break a promise to your child when there is absolutely, positively no other option. Indeed, making a promise is a significant action. Each promise has both the chance that hope will come true and the chance that trust will be broken. We, as parents, must be serious about keeping our word to our children since we want them to be trustworthy, too. However, nobody should be held captive by an impossibility.
Situations change. Life sometimes throws a wrench in our plans, and we have to change our promises to fit the new situation. In those circumstances, breaking a promise is not a sign of lack of integrity. Instead, integrity is determined by what you say and do when you are forced to break a promise because you have no other option.
In order to break a promise honorably, you need to be sure to do the following with your child:
- Recognize that you are going back on your word. You cannot hide or conceal this. Also, don't put off talking about this for too long. Your child will notice your gradual retreat or your denial of your intention to break the promise if they observe you doing so, and they will suspect that you have been holding out for some time when you finally do.
- Tell your child the reason you can't keep the promise. Don't, however, assign blame to others. In the end, you are the one who made the promise and are accountable for keeping your end of the bargain.
- Seek forgiveness for breaking the promise. Explain to your child that this type of promise-breaking could occur at any time because some things cannot be controlled. Instead, take responsibility for your actions and state what you intend to do going forward.
- If you can't follow through with the original plan, try to find another way to keep your promise.
- Recognize that a child to whom you made the promise may likely feel hurt, disappointed, or furious. He had to make a change because they were depending on something. You can't expect them to accept this right away and continue on.
When you make breaking promises less likely, your children are more likely to be understanding when you do. When you do breach a promise, acting honorably will help your child understand that you are willing to take responsibility. When done properly, breaking a promise may even increase trust and strengthen your relationship with your child.
Even if it is not signed, a promise may, on an emotional level, be equivalent to a contract. A person's promise is taken as truth by the one who receives it when they make a strong commitment. When promises are broken, people experience disappointment, sadness, rage, and sometimes even feelings of heartbreak or betrayal. A useful reminder to set a good example for our children and keep our promises is to picture what these feelings are like for them.
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