Tantrums are no fun for any parent, but while it can be frustrating, it’s good to remember that your little one is having a hard time, too. As parents, it can be easy to forget all about positive parenting when faced with a toddler tantrum. It’s exhausting, frustrating, and sometimes, infuriating.
However, no matter how difficult it is for parents to handle toddler tantrums, it’s important to acknowledge that tantrums are normal for any toddler, and it’s a parent’s responsibility to find ways to navigate them.
I know, mama. You must be thinking: “that’s so much easier said than done!” But you’re not alone – like you, many parents are finding ways to effectively deal with toddler tantrums. In this article, we will navigate the world of toddler tantrums together. So, let’s get right to it.
Tantrums vs. Meltdowns
Before we find out how to handle tantrums and meltdowns effectively, let’s first differentiate the meaning of a tantrum and a meltdown.
Tantrums, or pag-aalboroto in tagalog, usually happen when a child doesn’t get what they want. Meanwhile, meltdowns happen as a result of sensory overload. When a little one gets what they want, a tantrum usually ends. However, meltdowns end when a child gets tired or is put in a place with less stimulation and sensory information.
While the reasons for tantrums and meltdowns are different, parents are encouraged to treat them with a similar approach. Practicing how you respond to their tantrums and meltdowns can help them overcome it knowing that they have you to support them through it all.
Why do toddlers have tantrums?
When kids are at 18 to 36 months of age, they are exploring the world they live in. They want to be in control of what goes on around them, without realizing how little they still are.
Isn’t it frustrating as an adult for others to tell you that you can’t do certain things, or you need to stop doing a hobby of yours? That’s exactly how toddlers feel when they’re suddenly disrupted from their activities. They have no sense of time just yet, so when they’re suddenly told to stop playing to do something like eat or take a shower, they can take it the wrong way.
Long story short, toddler tantrums can happen for all sorts of reasons – from having to stop playing, to not serving him his favorite food, to forcing them to brush their teeth at night, to a parent paying attention to another sibling more than them. Sometimes, they need no explanation: your little one is simply overwhelmed, hungry, tired, or having a difficult time adjusting to change.
At this point in their life, your little one can’t communicate their feelings properly yet, as their language skills are still developing. Instead of speaking to you, they’ll show you their frustration through a tantrum. Luckily, as your little one’s language skills improve, their tantrums will subsequently decrease.
How can we avoid tantrums from happening?
Sometimes, it’s good to anticipate things before they happen. When dealing with toddler tantrums, it’s best to try and stop them from happening whenever possible, so that it doesn’t lead to a meltdown further on. Just remember to GIVE.
1. Give your little one some control over things.
Toddlers love being in control, and giving them the opportunity to have some control over things will lessen tantrums from happening. Giving them some control gives them the idea that you’re not trying to impose anything on them, but rather, letting them choose what to do.
Instead of struggling to choose for them, allow them to make decisions for themselves. “Do you want to brush your teeth before or after taking a shower?” “Do you want some biscuits or fruit?” are some things you can give them control over, as their choices don’t really matter.
2. Give your little one some attention, especially when they do something good.
Little ones love being acknowledged. When you see them being good, praise them for their positive behavior. Be specific about it, too, so that you know they’re likely to repeat it after you’ve acknowledged it. For example: “Thank you for sharing the teddy bear with your sister,” or “You said please before asking for your milk bottle. Thank you for patiently waiting!”
3. Give your little one some distractions.
When you can’t give your toddler what they want, try offering something else to remove their mind from what they can’t have. For example, if they insist on running around the living room, ask them to help you “clean up” instead by allowing them to pick up toys from the ground or giving them the opportunity to use the vacuum with you. If they do clean up with you, you can commend them for helping you and following instructions.
If giving them another option is not possible, try to change the environment by taking your toddler inside or outside, or move to a different room in the house.
4. Give them what they request for, if possible.
Sometimes, avoiding a tantrum is as easy as giving them what they request for. With so many things going on, it’s wise to choose your battles, mama.
If their request isn’t anything extravagant or outrageous, you can allow them to do what they want as a reward for good behavior. For example: They want to wear their pajamas to grandma’s house? Okay! They want to bring their teddy bear to the car? Sure! Every time they hear you say yes to them, it’ll prepare them for when you say “no,” and it’ll be easier for them to accept.
5. Give them opportunities to learn new skills.
Kids love being praised, so every time they learn to do things, commend them so they feel proud of themselves. For example: teaching them simple tasks like removing their socks, or picking up toys from the floor, or wiping down the table are some simple tasks you can do together before moving on to more complex tasks.
6. Give them a routine to follow.
Children don’t like unpredictability. Knowing what comes next gives them a certain sense of security that can eliminate tantrums, and ultimately, meltdowns from happening. Prepare your little one for what’s about to happen. For example: “We’re going to go to the doctor first, and then we’re going to buy some groceries. After that, we can go home and rest. Okay?”
What do I do when a tantrum occurs?
Let’s say it together, mama: “Tantrums are a normal part of my toddler’s development.” The more we accept this, the more we are able to handle it properly. We can’t stop or control tantrums, but what we can control is how we react to them.
During a tantrum, your little one is not able to hear you or reason with you. The most important thing to do at this time is help them calm down. If your little one allows you to hug them, then that’s a great first step. If not, make sure to give them enough space to feel their emotions, and keep them out of harm’s way. When a tantrum is happening, remember the acronym HALT.
1. HANDLE aggressive behavior swiftly.
If your child is aggressive during a tantrum, remove them from the situation and stop them immediately. This is especially important if they hit, kick, bite, or throw things around.
Talk to them calmly and acknowledge that while it’s okay for them to feel angry, hurting other people and themselves is not. “It’s okay to be angry, but it’s not okay to bite. I will not allow you to bite mama,” or “the train track you were building was disconnected and you’re angry about it. It’s okay, but please do not throw your trains across the room.”
2. AVOID yelling.
It’s important to keep your cool during a tantrum. Joining in with frustration or anger only makes things worse, and remember that as a parent, it is your responsibility to help your little one learn to calm down, so it wouldn’t be wise to be all built up.
Before acting on your little one’s tantrum, try to figure out why they’re acting that way, and select an appropriate solution.
3. LET them feel their emotions.
Sometimes, your little one just needs to be angry. Let them, mama – for as long as there’s nothing around that could hurt them or other people. By letting them feel their emotions, they are able to vent in a non-destructive way. They sit with their emotions, release them, pull themselves out of the situation they’re in, and regain self-control.
Although you’re allowing them to feel, stay close to them. Seeing you near them will give them a sense of support, and assurance that they’re okay, and you’re okay, because you’re still there with them – just giving them the space they need.
4. THINK ahead.
Most of the time, your little one’s tantrum is age appropriate and will no longer be a reason for future tantrums. For example, they won’t feel frustrated that they can’t put on socks in a couple of weeks, or that they can’t reach a certain item on the table. They will be taller, stronger, and more intelligent, which means what’s impossible for them now won’t always be impossible.
While they can’t help themselves just yet, try and offer them a choice. “Would you like to try putting on the socks one more time or do you want mama to help you? What would you like to do?” Giving them a choice shows them that they can control the situation, which is something they want to do.
Last but definitely not least, give your child some assurance. Give them a hug. A hug can do more than words, especially at a time when your little one needs safety and assurance. This may be the last thing you want to do, especially after they’ve just had a meltdown, but they need your comfort more than ever. A tight, firm hug from mama can help them calm down and let them know that even though you didn’t like their behavior, you still care about them and are willing to try again.
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