“Should I return to the office even if it means leaving my baby to a caretaker?”
“Should I push through with breastfeeding despite having such a tough time?”
“Should I cancel our date night to tuck my child in bed?”
You are not alone, mama. At some stage in our motherhood journey, we all struggle with this feeling of guilt.
Do we use disposable diapers or reusable ones? To breastfeed or bottle-feed? To co-sleep or let the baby sleep in their crib? When to potty-train? What if they are not yet walking or talking? Which classes to enroll them in? How much is too much screen time?
In every choice we make, we try our very best to be a good parent. But somehow, our efforts are still not enough. We still commit mistakes and fall short of expectations. As a result, we grapple with guilt over these shortcomings.
This is called mom guilt. It’s the feeling that you’re not doing enough for your child, that you are doing something wrong that’s harming your child, that you are not meeting their needs.
This feeling of inadequacy is normal, mama. It happens to everyone — from the most experienced of mamas to first-time mamas who are still finding their way navigating this motherhood thing.
But don’t be mistaken: just because mom guilt is a common and constant companion of mamas doesn’t mean it can’t be harmless. When it gets overwhelming, you will struggle to cope and this can affect your mental health.
So how do you get the guilty feeling under control?
1. Set realistic expectations for yourself.
Going for unrealistic and unachievable parenting goals can do you more harm than good. You’re only setting yourself up for burnout and anxiety. Motherhood already comes with a lot of pressure, so be kind to yourself by setting personalized standards, those that are not based on other people’s expectations of you. Be so busy taking care of your child and yourself that you don’t have time to deal with unwanted opinions from others (you don’t need to anyway).
2. Stop comparing yourself to others.
It’s easy to get blinded by what you see on social media — celebrities and influencers who seem like they got this motherhood thing all figured out and are perfectly parenting their little ones. The fact of the matter is they, too, are struggling with their own challenges. They are also learning as they go — very much like you, mama!
So stop thinking you are any less better than the mamas you know. Everybody’s trying to hold it together at home and in their careers. Some just handle it well… and for some, well, they have well-curated feeds.
3. Show yourself some kindness and compassion.
Life is not perfect, and nobody is. Along the way, you will make mistakes and that’s okay. Use them as opportunities to do better next time. After all, motherhood is a constant learning curve.
With everything that you need to accomplish as a mama, make a conscious effort to remind yourself that you are doing great and you are the best mama for your child.
4. Surround yourself with positive and supportive people.
Happiness is contagious, so choose to be with people who always see the good in people, things, and situations. Be with those who appreciate that you are trying to be the best mama to your child. Surround yourself with people who empower you and keep you motivated.
