Can you still remember the butterflies you felt in your stomach during your first real relationship? That’s exactly how your teenager is feeling now that they’re starting to enter the world of relationships.
And while you feel the need to protect them from it and try to postpone it from happening as much as you can, it’s bound to happen. What matters most is how you react to it and how you deal with it effectively.
Are you concerned that your teenager is too young or even too immature to start dating? Please don’t start the conversation with “you’re too young!” Instead, try to test their emotional intelligence and maturity by asking them questions instead.
“What do you think it means to be in a relationship your age?” is one question you can ask. Being too aggressive or judgmental can cause your child to be defensive and dishonest.
Once you’ve opened up the conversation, use it as a guide to set your next points. Try to talk to them about age-appropriate relationship behaviors, and if your child is listening intently, it may also be the best time to tell them what you expect from them. (Example: still hanging out with their friends, staying committed to their schoolwork and extracurricular activities, among others.)
Setting expectations early on will lead to a respectful relationship between you and your child, and it’ll also let your child know that you’re not out to scold them, but rather, to guide them through this new chapter in their lives.
Teenagers don’t always like to confide in their parents, and that’s normal. You did the same too, years ago! However, the first step in making sure your teenager is okay is staying connected with them.
While you are no longer the center of their attention, it’s important to assure them that you are there whenever they need you. If they do end up opening up to you, make sure not to break their trust.
It might feel exciting to announce to your entire family that your teenager has started dating, but chances are, they’ll be too shy to admit it to their extended family. If they break the news that they are dating someone, always make sure to ask them whether or not they’re okay with other people knowing – do not break their confidence, as it may cause them to shy away from you.
Staying connected with your teenager means you are able to set the tone for future conversations regarding their relationship. It might be tempting to bombard them with all your warnings and dating advice, but chances are, doing this too early on in the relationship will only cause them to shut the door on you. So, take it one step at a time and learn to set boundaries with your child – the same way you’re learning about how to navigate having a teenager in a relationship, they’re also navigating how to be in one.
Another pro tip from parents who have gone through teenagers with relationships? Don’t express judgment about their partners. Although it’s tempting to try to make comments about their partner’s appearance, or even their interests, it will make your teenager feel ridiculed rather than supported. In fact, saying judgmental statements might even cause your teenager not to open up to you the next time they have something to share.
Ultimately, every teenager, and every teenage relationship is different. There’s no rule book to handling teenage relationships, but always remember that treating your kids with patience, love, honesty, and open communication and guidance will set an example for how they navigate their other relationships – especially their romantic ones.
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