You’re sitting on the couch, unwinding after a full day. Then your kids start crying and squabbling over a toy (or something else, but you’re too tired to find out). You just want to rest and their wailing is not exactly helping. What do you tell them?
1. You tell them to stop crying because "Manong Guard will get you."
2. You comfort your kids, give them a cup of their favorite ice cream, and ask them to "bring out your widest grin."
3. You mumble, "Share your toys," while continuing to browse your social media.
4. You ask your kids, "Are you okay?" before asking them to lower their voice.
Parents will have differing responses to the same situation depending on their parenting style. There are four parenting styles according to Diana Baumrind, a developmental psychologist at the University of California, Berkeley. The four statements above represent her theory. Which one do you subscribe to?
Authoritarian: "Strict
ako eh
."
The first of the four statements above represents an authoritarian parenting style. As authoritarians, parents tend to be highly demanding of their kids, as well as generally cold and unaccepting. Authoritarian parents want to have the final say on rules, and they require their children to absolutely follow these rules. Inability to follow rules immediately warrants punishment.
Children of authoritarian parents often grow up to be law-abiding citizens, but are less critical thinkers as they are used to having the rules laid out for them. They generally do the right thing but mostly to avoid punishment or consequences.
Permissive: "
Bata pa kasi, kaya
okay
lang ‘yan
."
The second statement alludes to a permissive parenting style. This is the exact opposite of the authoritarian style, with parents inclined to be undemanding as well as warm and accepting. They are generally caring and are exceedingly lenient when it comes to setting and following rules. This style emits positive vibes; but it also masks disciplining efforts which permissive parents may see as sources of disappointment for their child.
Children of permissive parents find it difficult to recognize authority. This is often correlated to exhibiting egocentrism and having self-control issues. Since the bar has been set low at home, children of permissive parents are usually under-achievers even if they are capable of doing much more.
Uninvolved: “
Talaga? Mahilig ka pala sa
gummy bears?"
Statements similar to the tone of the third statement above imply a rather uninvolved or neglectful parenting style. Parents who subscribe to this style tend to display indifference and sometimes forget even basic information pertaining to their children. Few (or no) boundaries, rules, and expectations are set at home.
A child's constant misbehavior, even violent tendencies, is often correlated to this type of parenting. Children of uninvolved parents generally feel unhappy, unloved, and unworthy, probably rooting from having no sense of belongingness. They also tend to search for other authority figures or role models to compensate for the void of an absentee parent.
Authoritative: "
Alam ko antok ka pa, pero kailangan mo pumasok sa
school.”
The fourth statement above pertains to an authoritative parenting style. So far, according to years of study, this parenting style comes out as the best among the four. Similar to being authoritarian, this style of parenting is demanding but on the side of being warm and accepting. It is democratic because it is not only the parents’ voice that matters in the discipline equation. The child has an active role in setting rules, rewards, and consequences. Also, authoritative parents actively seek ‘teachable moments’ as a way to impart values to their child.
An affectionate, responsive, and supportive environment fostered by this parenting style correlates to children exuding confidence in their own decision-making. Children appear to be more content while at the same time, grow to be achievers. Moreover, less mental health issues and violent tendencies arise in children with authoritative parents.
The great thing about all this is that whether or not you subscribe to any of these styles, you can always adjust how you parent your child. Parenting styles are not fixed descriptions, but a continuous fluid process. You have to consider the sociocultural context of each situation, as well as your child’s temperament. You can be strict in some instances and more lenient when it is called for.
Remember that being intentional is the key. The ultimate goal is to shape your children into the best version of themselves. With that, we parents should be mindful of our parenting style because ultimately, this is how we mold our children to be ready for the world, even without our guidance.
