It cannot be helped: your child is now crushing on someone in school, in your neighborhood, or a famous personality. Dealing with this may seem like a minefield, where one wrong move can result in your little one not opening up to you ever again.
Of course you don’t want that to happen, mama. So how should you deal with your child’s first crush?
“Many children have crushes as early as 3 or 4 years old, perhaps developing an interest in another child in their preschool class or maybe a neighborhood playmate. During this time period, a crush is generally nothing more than children playing at adult roles,” writes relationship therapist Dr. Laura Berman in her book Talking To Your Kids About Sex: Turning “The Talk” Into A Conversation For Life.
She furthers, “For example, your daughter might want to play house and pretend that her crush is her husband, or your son might call one of the girls in his class his ‘girlfriend.’ Children like to imitate adult behavior, and these crushes are harmless and generally based more on imagination than on reality. They are often forgotten within a few weeks’ time. As your child grows, crushes will become more serious and will seem more real, but they will be largely based on fantasy and romantic ideals.”
Some experts claim that having a crush can be considered a developmental milestone because it gives kids a taste of how to love someone outside their family circle.
Since it’s inevitable anyway, it’s best to be ready to deal with it so you can react appropriately the moment your little one comes to you and proudly proclaims: “Mama, I like [insert name of your child’s first crush].”
1. Be gentle and supportive.
Not all kids are confident enough to confess to you there’s someone making their hearts beat faster. So when they do, do not dismiss it as just a mere crush. Instead, approach it in a way that’s supportive to these new emotions they are feeling. Having a crush and focusing on that person is totally normal and healthy — everyone will experience having crushes all throughout their life.
2. Show interest, but respect their boundaries.
Just like how you should show interest toward the friendships your child creates and cultivates, do the same with the current apple of their eye. Ask them what they like about that person and what their personality is like. This way, you also get to discover what kinds of people your little one adores and wants to keep by their side.
But don’t be too pushy. If they are not too comfortable opening up, try asking questions again some other time. What’s important is they know they can come to you and share things anytime they want to.
3. Share your own experiences.
How to normalize having crushes? Casually chat with your child about your own experience. This way, they feel that it’s totally normal to have one. Through your tales, they also start to learn about the complexities of relationships outside the family.
4. Use this chance to teach them about love and relationships.
Sure, they learn about love within the family. But how do they navigate interpersonal relationships beyond that circle? Depending on your child’s age, use this opportunity to sit down and discuss topics about connections and love. You can also remind them about their boundaries.
5. Never joke about their childhood crush.
It can be tempting to tease your child about their crush. Even well-intentioned parents commit this mistake. Adult jokes are called such because kids can’t quite comprehend why a certain statement seems fun and silly for grownups. So the next time you feel like mocking the person they are infatuated to, think again. Remember that even these early childhood emotions are valid, so teasing them can hurt their feelings. It can also be embarrassing for your child if you go announcing to everyone that they are crushing on someone.
Good luck, mama. You got this!
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