Being a parent is one of the toughest jobs in the world. In many instances in our parenting journey, we doubt our decisions and second-guess our choices. There is a constant desire to be better than yesterday and we sometimes submit ourselves to impossible standards of what a perfect parent should be.
Ahh, the perfect parent. While no such thing exists, we still find ourselves wanting to at least be close to it. Celebrity mama, beauty queen, model, and actress Katarina Rodriguez is well aware of such struggles, and she shares with fellow mamas her experiences and the parenting lessons she learned during the recently-held edamama Family Expo.
1. Postpartum struggles are real.
During the discussion “Pampers Real Talks: The Struggle To Be The Perfect Parent” where she was one of the speakers, Katarina revealed to host Cerah Hernandez and mental health advocate Dr. Gia Sison that she experienced postpartum anxiety six months after giving birth. This was when typhoon Odette badly hit their home in Siargao while they were in Manila.
“We have a balcony in our condo. And I would be awake around 4 AM and my thoughts were ‘what do people think about when they jump off the balcony’,” she narrated. She shared these thoughts with her partner and also opened up about this with her friends. “I’m a Philosophy major, and I studied the philosophy of death. But I never saw this heavy eerie feeling until this point in time. This is something that I struggled with for two months. I was afraid to go near the balcony and I had this fear that if I left the baby with the yaya and she would be holding him up over the balcony.”
Dr. Gia reminded mamas who are experiencing things like this or if these thoughts start to happen to you, help and support are out there. You can contact the National Center for Mental Health at 0917899 8727 or 0917899-USAP.
It’s also good to find things to do that would keep your mind away from such thoughts. Katarina would distract herself by indulging in her guilty pleasures: watching lots of Korean dramas and playing her favorite mobile game.
2. Your little one can also feel your struggles.
Asked if she thinks her baby was affected by her struggles, Katarina said: “I’m not entirely sure scientifically or clinically. But as a mother, instinctively feeling ko yes. When the typhoon hit, I couldn’t eat for 3 to 4 days. I was breastfeeding so instead of latching, I would pump and give him the bottle. My lola or the yaya held him more because feeling ko, he will absorb the sadness, negativity, and anxiety. When my dog died, it was the same thing. I wanted to hold him and hug him but I felt like my son was going to absorb my sadness. So anytime I feel something that’s negative, I just try to distance myself so he doesn’t absorb those feelings because I want him to be a happy baby.”
3. On how to overcome the pressure of wanting to be the ideal parent
Katarina said she’s still figuring this out herself but she believes that it’s important to listen to yourself. “When it comes to your mental health, I think simply reminding yourself that my child needs me and I have to get my life together. I have to do this not for anyone else but for myself. You cannot help your kids if you cannot help yourself first. Your baby is gonna love you no matter what.”
To this, Dr. Gia added that “There is no such thing as a perfect parent. In fact, imperfect is the best way.”
The celebrity mama also shared that she copes by writing letters for her son and for herself as well. “When he’s 18, I can read a letter that I wrote to myself when he was just 1. This is how I thought back then, I can do this. I think always looking at a stronger version of your past self is so inspiring. I feel like we are the most inspiring people in our lives, a past version of ourselves or even a future version of ourselves. I think that’s what got me through everything as I really talk to myself a lot and I tell myself I need to be the best version of myself for my future self or for my family. I still don’t know what I’m doing half the time, but it definitely helps with confidence and to just get things done.”
4. Your support system is important in helping you go through all of this.
Katarina asserted that having a supportive and helpful partner and support system—whether it’s your husband, boyfriend, girl friends, parents, siblings, friends, even work friends—is one of the secrets to coping with the mental load of motherhood.
Acknowledging her partner Niño Barbers, she shared: “When I have all the emotional mood swings, he is just staring at me but he understands na okay she’s going through something and he tries his best to make it as easy for me as possible so I really love him for that. The partnership between you and your partner, the father and mother to child, I feel like the perfect parents stem when that partnership is solid. Where there’s a great dynamic—it doesn’t have to even be romantically—but you have a good tandem, you understand each other. Also if you think about it, your child only really lives with you for 18 to 20 years maximum. The person you’ll be closest to is ideally your spouse so having a good relationship with him I feel this is the first step to being ideal parents.”
5. Ultimately, the goal is to make your child happy.
Katarina made it her goal to ensure that her son is having the best day of his life every day. “I just really want him to go to sleep every night thankful and grateful. In order for that to happen, I have to teach him how to have the best day of his life every day.”
This includes being comfortable while doing activities such as playing. Hence, it’s important that your child is wearing the comfiest diapers, like Pampers.
